You Don't Care What I Think

God everybody has an opinion, don't they? The internet is fueled by them, just every opinion imaginable, just every stupid idea gets representation somewhere. I used to have opinions, or, I used to have opinions I cared to share. I used to write about my opinions and I used to think that the best job in the world would be one where I got to tell people what I thought, where I got to tell people what they were doing wrong (everything). There are lots of people with jobs like that, all you need is a big enough mouth and the confidence to shout them.

I don't know if this is just because I'm young and restless but I don't have any confidence in my opinions anymore. Do you ever reach an age where your beliefs just get locked down? Then maybe you can get on with your life and worry about tangible crap and not whether that band is good or bad or just what? It doesn't feel right speaking my mind when I can't even be sure I'm going to feel the same way a week from now.

I read stuff I wrote just a year or two ago and already I wonder what I was thinking. The problem was that I had an opinion and I was damn sure the internet was going to hear it. People who have all the answers worry me. What makes them so sure that they're in the right? Do they ever sit themselves down and reevaluate where they are and how they got there?

Maybe this phase will pass. Maybe in a few years I'll look back on 2008 Horatio and think god what a pussy, couldn't he take a stand on anything? Yeah maybe. But right now I don't feel up to defending myself on anything. I'm trapped in this total perspective vortex - I try to see every side, I try to look around every corner, try to counter every counter-argument but that always always seems to leave me in the middle. Maybe this isn't a bad thing. Maybe more people should be in the middle.

I don't know. Right/wrong, good/evil, true/false, so many stupid dichotomies. What can I say. You don't care what I think about Tibet, what I think about the Obama, what I think about Canadian politics. Of course I have opinions and I like to think that they are reasonably informed, maybe even nuanced sometimes, but I know better than to put them in writing. I know better than to say I know what's best, because nobody does. They know what they think is right, I guess, and if we're lucky things turn out ok, and if we're not, at least we won't run short on opinion as to what went wrong.

I try to pervade this blog with, I don't know, a sense of uncertainty, a sense of confusion. There are no answers here. I don't hit the publish button until I've met my quota of "I don't know's". I don't know how compelling a moral morass may be to read, but I'm stuck in it. What are you going to do, complain? God, everbody has an opinion, don't they.