I don't want a medal or anything. Living twenty years in a row is a pretty good accomplishment and I will gladly take high fives from anyone who puts them up, but this is hardly a time to sit back and bask. Sit up, sit straight, take stock of who you are and what you have done so far with those twenty years. If you are like me, you have not much to show, if you are like me, and we were called forward to face some sort of terrible reckoning for the lives lived and unlived in those twenty consecutive years upon this earth, you would have little grounds for clemency, and your bones would be ash before your judge.

Likely you are not like me, but even still what you have taken a lifetime so far to accomplish, you will out pace and out strip again and again in the coming years and if life were not so then perhaps it would not be a life worth living. What person would stand up and claim with pride that his name was made before his twentieth year, that the apex of his creativity, his soul, his being was reached at such an early age, that man then doomed to slowly fade on the sadder side of his life's climactic parabola, that he may watch that zenith fade from view and that he might cling to photographs and newspaper clippings that once extolled his virility and imagination, but no more his name appears in ink.

Now is the time to take stock in what lies around you. Your chance at reinvention is like wet concrete drying in the sun, move fast and move now because one day you will wake up and you will be one person and you will be that person for the rest of your life. If you are me there are things that you do not like about yourself and so must you be the surgeon to your tumours. Cut them off and cast them away and become the person you know you are. I can give no greater advice, me a man who if there was cosmic justice would surely have his mouth wired shut for what good words could pass through his lips, having made so many poor choices so that he can never be considered a fit leader of men.

Make mistakes now, please and make them big and make them spectacular. Break hearts and break bones and bruise lips and bruise egos and learn from everything because school never ends unless you want it to, unless you close your eyes hum to yourself and hope that whatever the world is beyond your fastened lids is the same as what it was when you closed them. This is a heady time and closing your eyes for just a second may feel right but you can not stop the world from spinning and this blue jewel cares not whether you pay attention or not. Which is why you must, you must pay attention because there is no one to do it for you, it is not a job that can be contracted out.

I am not your father and I should not preach because my words are mostly empty vanities but there is truth I think when I say that when things are said and things are done one must take responsibility, take your pants up from around your knees and accept the things that will not accept you and accept that there are things beyond your control and take responsibility for even those too for then you can say that this rain falls because of me and if you say it loud enough and if the right twinkle rests in your eye there will be some who will look around and wonder if it really only does rain because your voice calls it forth.

Sleeping by the Don

there was a man sleeping by the don as i biked by
his bike wasn't worth stealing so it lay with him
he lay on the concrete partition facing the water
if that's what you want to call
the whatever it is that flows by
his head was on his sweater was a pillow

i thought, wow, that guy is cool
just sleeping by the don
on a sunday afternoon
i tried to guess his job
maybe he fixed bikes
or climbed rocks
or maybe he played guitar

on my way home, i followed the don again
and he was gone
but there was another man
he was shaking out a blanket, under a bridge
he did not look like a homeless man
he was filipino, maybe, and he was dressed
in second hand finery
a blue collared shirt and pants
and his hair was jet black and swept back
except where his gel had failed him
and the black strands fell limp to the side

and i guess it felt like someone had punched me
or made fun of some secret that i loved
because that is not what homeless men look like
that is no place for buttoned-up shirts
people sleep under bridges, friggin deal right
but not guys who are looking for jobs
beating down doors
broken english and a family a world away
waiting for some good news
from a breadwinner
who sleeps with a blanket under a bridge

Oh Man Hello R Rating

Have you ever watched bisexual porn? It is an experience. Probably pretty hard to find too, though I wouldn't know, cause you believe when I say I don't go searching for it ever at all.

But it's different, like in a weird, weird way. I guess most people are pretty used to seeing ladies kissing ladies (pretty hot, I know, I agree) but dudes on dudes is still way out of left field every time.

So this little vid is two guys and a girl, which is hardly anything genre bending (get it? it is almost a pun on gender bending) when it comes to pornography, because otherwise the whole subgroup of double teaming wouldn't even exist. It's not gay if you high five, right guys? One chick sucking off two guys is expected, sucking and fucking simultaneaously? Oh dear, again with that? But seriously, throw bisexuality into the mix and becomes something else entirely.

It was Russian, my bi porn, which makes sense because the idea of two farm fed American boys named Brock and Chet sucking each other while fingering fucking some disinterested ho-let is hard enough to picture. So these two grody Russian guys (like there are any other kind, hyuck) are sitting around and this pasty white Russian chick (like there are any other kind, hyuck) is sitting on a guy's lap drinking vodka (like what else would she be doing, hyuck) and she's basically falling all over the place. Her top comes off and hands are groping and the other guy's dick is whipped out right fast like he was almost expecting a night of drinking with this couple to end up in a hot three way.

So the couple is making out and Ruskie 2 is naked and his little guy is waving around looking for attention. The woman takes him in her mouth and she's kind of suckling on it and so far everything is pretty standard porn wise but then the first guy kind of butts in suddenly and he is really into the the cocksucking, like he is making the woman look like D-League amateur stuff. And now it's almost surreal, if you were some kind of porn critic, I guess. It's a man and a woman both jostling, almost fighting for this dick in front of them and I am trying to reshape the power dynamic in my head but it is all very confusing.

In your standard porn obviously it is man comes, and cums first, woman second, but what happens when it's two guys? And the woman doesn't even appear interested, or maybe she just feels excluded because the guy is really, really into sucking that other man's member. Then it's the woman on her knees taking both of them, which is back on firmer porn ground, except obviously the guys here have no problem, uh, crossing streams, if you will. In fact it seems to be the whole point, the jostling in her mouth because once they're both in there is not much room to wiggle. Also she seems half a sleep which is par for the course for her, so maybe the guys are just looking for any way to get their rocks off.

So now she is on her back legs high taking it and thinking of mother russia from the look on her face while she sucks the other guy gently, and except for the bored woman in the middle, everything is pretty normal. But that's the last of that because now one guy is inside the other, they are lying side by side on the couch, and the catcher has a look like he is not enjoying himself in a big way, which is different from the woman he is absentmindingly fingering, who looks like she is not enjoying herself in just a small way.

The woman (I'll be honest, my primary focus) is now almost completely superfluous as the dudes fuck each other. There are some fingers inside her, but you'll excuse the man if his thoughts dwell on other holes. She gropes herself half-heartedly.

They finish the festivities by jerking themselves in the vague direction of her pussy, while she does the finger work herself. Their uncut Euro dicks spooge, and then that is that.

Bisexual porn is a surreal experience for the sheltered porn traveler. I feel like that twelve year old on his first tit site. Ew! I can't believe they did that.

(Writing about porn is kinda fun! All those bad words! Wooo)