Pump it up (your confidence)

Got a major case of the "not good enoughs" at the moment. If speaking in fucking aphorisms is what it takes to beat this than so be. Read a quote today, "I am attractive and beautiful, and the more I believe it the more it is true." It's a little glorpy, but also hard to deny. So because some one needs to say it, I will: you are good enough. You are capable of doing things you set out to do. You are capable of not only setting goals but accomplishing them. You need to get out of your own way.

Again, you are good enough. Crushing this interview will be a matter of Knowing Your Shit. If you don't Know Your Shit, who's fault is that? Knowing what you are talking about is the surest fire way to projecting confidence. You've seen this work before. Master the facts, know thyself, kick some ass. You are not perfect, but no one is. Perfection is a shitty ideal. You will likely say at least one dumb thing tomorrow. There will likely be at least one awkward pause. These will not be sufficient grounds for immediate ritual suicide, or self-immolation.

Furthermore, your self worth is not tied to how you do tomorrow. If, for whatever reason you do not get the job, you should not take it as evidence that everything is hopeless. It is not. Use it as a learning experience. Again, you are good enough to get this job. You have the skills, the chops, the attitude. You are not a natural extrovert, but that shit can be faked. You've done it before. Remember to smile. It's good for you. Push the doubt aside. It is the mind killer, the little death.

Also this: You will most likely look goofy tomorrow, reciting their schpiel. You are not an actor, but get over it. Don't make excuses. Don't let them see you sweat. You are Alex Baldwin in Glen Gary Glen Ross, not Jack Lemon. Well that's a stretch. But I think my point is, don't be Jack Lemon in Glen Gary Glen Ross.   

so your life is meaningless

A couple of things re: vulnerability, shame, weakness:

"Is there something about me that if other people know it or see it, I wont be worthy of connection?"

"They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were"

These are from a ted talk (http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html)

Also a DFW quote that is making more and more sense to me: "Although of course you end up becoming yourself."

There's dissonance between who I am and who I want to be. I've been trying (not hard enough) to gel them together. Maybe the key lies in being vulnerable. In being able to be vulnerable. Can I do that? Can I show that vulnerability or express it to others? I don't know. Not appearing weak is something I strive for generally, but it's also hampering my ability to be genuine/authentic (re: I am not genuinely a strong person) (although it should be said that I am capable of strength) which in turn is hampering my ability to connect on meaningful level with other people.