so your life is meaningless

A couple of things re: vulnerability, shame, weakness:

"Is there something about me that if other people know it or see it, I wont be worthy of connection?"

"They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were"

These are from a ted talk (http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html)

Also a DFW quote that is making more and more sense to me: "Although of course you end up becoming yourself."

There's dissonance between who I am and who I want to be. I've been trying (not hard enough) to gel them together. Maybe the key lies in being vulnerable. In being able to be vulnerable. Can I do that? Can I show that vulnerability or express it to others? I don't know. Not appearing weak is something I strive for generally, but it's also hampering my ability to be genuine/authentic (re: I am not genuinely a strong person) (although it should be said that I am capable of strength) which in turn is hampering my ability to connect on meaningful level with other people.