I didn't get that internship. I found out on Monday. I spent the whole day waiting for a phone call and not being productive and then I got an email around 5 and I knew what was up. I've spent the last few days in a funk. Merde, but things feels grim and all I seem capable of is playing unhealthy amounts Victoria II (seriously my right arms feels funny, is that an early sign of carpel tunnel??). It doesn't help that I recognize this behaviour as being counter-productive, intellectually I'm all over this shit, but I can't translate that into actually doing something about it. It didn't help that Tuesday morning I saw one of my classmates had landed a job at the HD Institute.
I can recognize at least that this the beginning of something unhealthy and unproductive, and depression may be around the corner, but what can I do about it? Self-doubt is creeping in. I could have cried on Monday. I don't want to go back to working for my dad. "Working." I've been out of school for a month and my energy is fading and my chipper attitude is feeling more and more forced.
Reading this Richler bio has at least sparked my inner diarist, so maybe expect more posts or something (he wrote, and promptly died).
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