Wanted: One B-Movie Director

Let me pitch you a movie idea. It's called "Santa Claws". It is a Holiday horror movie. I know the title is so obvious, right? So obvious that it must be good. So obvious that it's actually been done, but imdb.com says it belongs to a stupid b-movie that completely wastes the title because what I'm thinking is Santa Claus. As a werewolf. Yes. I know, right?

So you have this average mid-western family with two small children, Older Brother and Little Sister and of course Older Brother has just found out Santa isn't real and is being a dick about it but Little Sister won't have anything to do with it. Also the family is waiting for their oldest son to arrive home, but he is running late and it doesn't look like he'll make it for Christmas Eve dinner because he is a US Marine (these things start writing themselves) and he's been delayed.

And then there's Santa doing his rounds on a clear night with a big full moon when BAM and he's bitten by a werewolf and we have Weresanta and I don't know what the production budget is going to look like so speculating on what he looks like is pointless but you can use your imagination. He looks ridiculous, basically.

This is what I thought about on my way home today. It's perfect and so obvious that I can't believe no one has ever done the Christmas werewolf movie, and finally answered the question, what would happen if Santa Claus were a werewolf?

I don't have an ending in mind really. I'm thinking they kill it with the pure silver star they have on top of the tree because werewolves and silver, right? I don't know anything about them actually. Marine Son would have to jam it into his gun somehow. Or does stabbing work? Like with vampires? I mean as long as it's silver doing the damage, does it matter how it's done? I don't want to offend the werewolf fan community. Those crazy bastards. I'm in love with this idea whatever those nerds think. All I need is a time machine set to 1986 and a one way ticket to Hollywood and I am set. Can you imagine it? By this time people will still be trying to figure out which was the best addition to the franchise, Santa Claws III (look for a young Di Caprio) or Santa Claws VI (controversial as it is the only one in which Weresanta actually saves Christmas).

Horatio Halpern